ispeakmymind
christianityGod. Jesus. Satan. Heaven. Hell.
I go crazy trying to decide whether I can be a true believer again or not.
I used to have faith. Hope. Goals. Morals. A sense of accomplishment when I was able to speak freely about my love for Christ. I truly felt like I could move mountains with the strength I gained from God. Then something happened, and now I don't know what to do. I tend to over-think things. And just when I feel like I'll finally get everything back, one thought shakes my entire foundation, forcing me to start from the lowest level and try to make it back to the top.
I can't deny his existence...but I can't justify it, either. Yeah I know that the whole point of faith is to believe without seeing, and that's exactly what keeps me from him.
Finally Figured It Out.
Yeah, I've finally realised what it is I'd like to do after highschool: join the Marines. I am determined to do it.
There's just one little problem...neither my parents nor my boyfriend would approve, and that just kills me. Everything else I've considered, from psychology, to biology, or even professional photography (which I would love) doesn't feel right like this does. Shit, I even considered law school, though I swore to myself I'd never be an attorney. But ever since I met my now-big brother (Sgt. Johnson), I've been thinking and thinking about joining the marine corps after I graduate, and this is truly the only thing I can see myself doing.
But how can I convince my parents?
My mother has always hated the idea of someone she knows joining the U.S. military,
and my dad...well, he's a dad and I'm his "little girl". Hah.
Every time we see a commercial about the army on TV, my mom says "they're targeting parents so the army can send their kids to Iraq to get fucking blown up", and I'm wondering if she's got the same ideas about the Marine Corps. All my dad's got to say about it is "No. It's not a good thing for you to do. College is better". Well no shit, dad. Even when I mentioned the fact that education is paid for if you're a Marine, he insisted that I don't need it to be paid for by anyone but him. Wouldn't that be nice, though?To have those thousands of dollars that would have gone to college tuition,
still sitting in his bank account? Apparently it's not nice enough, though.
And then there's my boyfriend. When I told him about it, he just said "I hope you're not serious. It's dangerous! I don't think it's a good idea". All I can really do is just hope I don't lose him over this.
As of right now, the only two people that would support me are my brother and sister. And to be honest, they're probably the only ones I need. Everything else would be taken care of. Still, I'm not sure...
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